hydrolics

This guy is sick with bronchiolitis.  Thank you very much daycare.  He's coughing and weezing but taking it like a champ.  Still playing and giggling when he can.  He's at daycare.  He's been there since ten am today.  Keep him in our prayers that he doesn't get worse and hopefully this little virus will lightly run it's course and we'll get this baby back to breathing regularly.  And give his momma a break on crying for a little while, that would be okay too.

Instead lets talk about how ridiculously cute he is.  The picture is of the second time we put him in his jumparoo.  He seemed to really  have fun with it and it was nice to see him explore movement on his own.

The toddler in me

 

Tuesday was the day.  The dreaded return to work day.  The following possible scenarios were entertained:

a. lay on the floor kicking and screaming and refuse to go
b. take the baby into the office with me. babywearing for the win?
c. pretend to go to work but just go to a park and throw the milk from the bottles out and come home and tell Derek I really went to work
d.  get up and pretend it's just a normal day and I don't really  have to go back to work. and then never go back to work.
e. put my big girl panties on

They were the worst two days of my life.  I did a bit of a and e.  Today I'm staying home.  FU work.  The "welcome backs" were annoying.  The non stop crying gave me a headache and I came home purely exhausted.  I stayed 3 hours on Tuesday and 4 hours on Wednesday. 

Happy valentines day to me- I'm giving myself a break.

Everyone said it would be hard.  They all say it will get easier.  I say they are all wrong.  It's not going to get easier.  I don't think it should.  You know how it gets easier?  By you turning off being a mom, by separating yourself from the natural instinct that tells you to be with your child.  My child still needs me.  Me sending breastmilk to him every day is him needing me.  I can't decide if the breastpump is a curse or a blessing.  My first day back at work all I wanted to do was pump because its the only thing I could do for him.  My second day back, I pumped twice and now my nipples are so sore. 

As we create distance from our Mom-selves it gets easier.  We have to shut off being a Mom or we'd never get any work done.  And then, to pump, we have to look at pictures of our child and videos so that our body can remember that we have a child and we'll have "let down."  But most moms that work don't make it a year breastfeeding.  I wonder why?  Because this chasm between you and your child grows.  I don't want this to happen.

I curse our society that demands that mothers leave their children with strangers so that we can afford to live.  That only a small percentage of people make enough money to live off one income.  I curse feminists that changed our working environment- women entered the work force, more competition for jobs, lower salaries.  I curse our economy and our government.  I curse myself for not saving more money so that I could stay home.  Derek and I ran the numbers over and over again and there was just no way.  Even if we rented a one bedroom apartment.

My heart is being ripped from my body every time I leave Charles.  I wail and scream a cry that is so prehistoric sounding it surprises me.   I stop to catch my breath and try to see the good try to think of the good things but nothing makes it better.  I do not know how I'm going to survive this.

monkey monkey monkey

 

yep, that's his monkey pjs and he's playing with a monkey toy.  cutie pie.

3 month out takes

because some of these are just too cute.  Hard to choose just one

 checking out those feet.

and sucking on those fingers.  so glad he's learning to self soothe a little bit

lately

 

I cannot get enough of this cutie and his hoodie hanging out with the little lion.  

 We're still keep active and growing like a weed over here.  We got out some in the beautiful weather for walks and to play in the grass.  He is still not liking the bright sunshine- gotta get him some shades!

 I am totally loving this guy in a hoodie.  He sticks everything in his mouth these days.  It's adorable.

 Lots of time on the activity gym.  We do this and read books and do tummy time.  That's our day.  Along with sleeping and eating.  Love it.

 I keep trying to get a picture of his smile.  I swear he smiles all the time.  This is the cloest I've gotten so far.

Hand to mouth coordination-check.

 We needed some pants, and going to the store is annoying.  So, I made him some out of an old fleece of Derek's.  I think they are adorable.  This is our spot for tummy time.

 The mirror helps a lot and I'm thankful to have the soft blanket instead of the carpet.  Some days are better than others on getting that head up-it's heavy!

Male bonding at it's finest.  I can't get enough of these two.  Holding hands-love it. 

 

he looks so grown up here.  I can start to see what he's going to look like as a young man.  So handsome.  We went to visit Derek at his office in this outfit.  Charles and I had lunch with Daddy and met all of his coworker.  We went on a great day he was awake and happy for most of it, then slept the rest.  We are very proud parents.